I can't figure out my ex boyfriend...we dated almost a year and broke up a month ago b/c he wants time alone

My ex boyfriend and I recently broke up, about a month ago. We had and have a great relationship, but I myself have a lot of trust issues because of my past, and he has depression. We both had a lot of fun together and really enjoyed each others company and joy we brought into each others lives. Before the break up, things started getting very weird, he started messaging other girls really flirty stuff, and a few even suggested that the should sleep together. He told me after the break up, that he thought if he flirted with other girls, that he would feel better about himself. He still tells me that he is in love with me, and that we will get back together, and that right now we both need time alone to figure out our own lives. I want to believe that we will get back together, but I don't know if he is telling me the truth. If anyone has any advice, please let me know, I am doing everything i can to improve myself, and I just want some more prespective from other peoples view? thanks!

I can't figure out my ex boyfriend...we dated almost a year and broke up a month ago b/c he wants time alone
You answered you own question. Why did he break up with you? "Because he needs some time alone".
Reply:That really doesn't sound good to me. He loves you but wants to get away from you for a little bit to "figure out his life"? That's usually code for someone wanting to play around some but try not to feel guilty about it, and/or wants a safety net to be able to return to. Has he actually said what it is he wants to accomplish with this separation? Or why he couldn't do it in a relationship with you? Big warning flags if he can only speak in general terms like this.





You can certainly work on yourself... for yourself. Changes you make for him likely won't last, even if he does come back. But you can't control if he does choose to return or not, or whatever he may be doing in the meantime.





He's already told you that he seeks attention from others -- affection and/or flirting and/or sex -- to self-medicate his depression; you haven't said anything that suggests that this would change (now while separated, or if you did get back together). Are you okay with that? If not, what would you do?
Reply:If he needs to flirt with other girls to make him a bigger man, then he's not worth it. Come on, do you really want to get back with someone who's depressed and uncertain? Forget about him, get some hobbies and have fun. Time flies, don't waste it on someone who plays games.
Reply:Ehh, it's probally more him than your fault. He probally feels really insecure about himself for some reason, and thinks about what he really wants and stuff. Just continue to be super nice to him, and he'll see that he needs you, I bet he does love you. Maybe he is doing what he thinks is best for you because he thinks you don't deserve him....it's probally something like that. Well, I can't be sure but just keep re assuring him that you love him too and that there is no one else for you, and etc. well only if its true ofcourse! Hope this helps! If you need someone to talk to i can listen :)
Reply:Move on dear; he has. Life is too short waiting on someone else to find themselves. Go find yourself. When you do you may find out that you might even like yourself.
Reply:i'd say he's only keeping you because if he can't get any girls or get over his depression then he'll come looking for you to save him. but......can you see yourself growing old with him? and if you guys do get back together, will this happen again?...
Reply:if he can't handle it, i say just move on. its his loss. there are plenty of guys out there that will treat you better, i'm sure.
Reply:I also have trust issues. I check my ex's phone constantly and have even deleted things off of it. I also check his myspace. I think he was wrong for flirting with other girls and maybe he really thought it would make him feel better. If you love him, you will find it in your heart to forgive him. Relationships take work! If you guys had a good relationship, then I'd try to salvage it. However, you HAVE to try to trust him. It's ok for him to have girl friends, he just needs to know where to draw the line. You shouldn't have to put up with girls telling him they want to sleep with him. If he loves you like he says, he needs to tell those same girls that what they are saying is inappropriate because he's in a relationship with you. I would give him some time, 2 months TOPS. Listen to your heart. You'll know if it feels right or not. Good luck, hun. :)
Reply:He's tyring to keep you on the back burner...it's not love...
Reply:well..my boyfriend told me that too (that we were going to break up and that he still loved me and wanted to get back together). and he just dumped me lastnight...because he got to thinking more about it..so i don't really know if you can trust what he says..depends what kind of guy he is.
Reply:dont hold your breath. he is as good as gone. right now he is playing the field and if things dont work out you are his safety net if he cant find another girlfriend.
Reply:wow!! this guy has erious issues!! dont hook back up with him he is not trstworthy enough.....he was soooo cheating on you.......he is such a fake
Reply:dont know really, but i think a couple should work out all their differences and learn to compromise and get all the q %26amp; a's out of the way...but at the same time have really good experiences together ....BEFORE marriage. that's what dating, bf/gf relationships are all about. if you have problems before marriage...you learn to understand each other and work thru problems, and yeah, you'll have mess ups...but because that initial desire to be together was there in the beginning...try to remember why you cared, loved, desired about each other and why it was so good.
Reply:when someone tells you they need time to think etc. that means they are bored of the person they are with and looking and i am sure hes been with others and this is something you should think about its like well maybe you should move on also its not too bad if you can think about it and learn something new with someone else and you'll find there are so many out there and nice guys also so i would just chalk this to learning and move on i am sure he'd like to have his cake and eat it to and therefore i wouldn't' give him time of day its ending and there is nothing you an do about it.
Reply:I don't think it has anything to do with you. I think he needs to prove to himself he is desirable to other women. Sometimes when you give guys everything they want, there is no challenge, no chase. That is the excitement of the relationship in the beginning, the chase. Now, he probably feels smothered, and wants to see if he is still a man. Well, I would tell him if he wants you, he better call, because you are going to start seeing some other people on your own. See how he likes that one.
Reply:Sounds like he wants to hook up with one of those other girls, but wanted to break up with you first, to have a guilt free conscience, or because the girl wouldn't hook up with you still in the pic. Also, by leaving it with he still has feelings for you, and is sure you will get back together..then if things don't work out, or when he is done playing, he can come back to you.


Sorry, but that's what it sounds like to me. Good luck.
Reply:For what it's worth: it sounds as though it's all up to him, and the onus is on you to improve yourself with the aim of getting him back. That doesn't seem like a sound, egalitarian basis for a relationship. I'd be concentrating on what I wanted out of life apart from any relationship with him. That would a) help with your own strength and identity, and b) take some of the pressure out of it all so you can be friends. Good luck!

survey for money